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Late one night in early July, I was working in my lab when I noticed a sudden burst of activity from our schadenfreudeometer. I'd never seen anything like it — with readings registering far above the announcement of Reagan's Alzheimer's, and an amazing 89.7% above the announcement of Dick Cheney's shooting of a fellow hunter in the face. As I began to look at the data in an attempt to make sense of it all, I noticed that the strongest readings were coming from the so-called "Christian" countries, with Virginia Beach, Virginia and Vatican City registering off the charts. Instinctively, I knew that one of the "four horsemen" of the New Atheism was in trouble. My first thought, of course, was that Richard Dawkins had been hit by a bus bearing the banner, "There's probably no God." But as I Googled their names — Dawkins, Dennett, Harris, and Hitchens (in that order) — I finally learned the disheartening news that Christopher Hitchens had been diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus.
While fans of the Mr. Deity show are generally prone to discount the power of prayer, I am not. Some fifty years ago, my sister began a campaign to bend the ear of God that lasted for nearly five years, and resulted directly in my somewhat-less-than-auspicious birth. My mother and father, who at the time were in their mid and late forties (respectively), assured my sister that a baby girl (her preference) or boy was simply not in the cards. But she persisted until, in the early winter of 1964, my parents announced that they were expecting another child. My parents acknowledged my sister's contribution by honoring her with the privilege of giving me a name. And being a huge fan of the "Family Affair" television program, she named me after the actor, Brian Keith, who played the lovable father figure on the show (a fine choice considering I could have been called "Jody" or "Mr. French").
Personal experiences have also played a role regarding my belief in the power of prayer. At the young age of 17, when I was seeking a personal testimony of the Mormon faith, I was told that I could read the Book of Mormon and pray to God in order to know if the book was true. They said that God would speak to me by causing a "burning in my bosom," which would assure me of the book's veracity. Sure enough, this is exactly what happened. And despite the fact that this "burning" was later determined to be a nasty case of acid reflux, it was nonetheless a "burning." God works in mysterious (and sometimes gastrointestinal) ways.
It is because of my profound belief in the power of prayer that I believe Christians are responsible for Mr. Hitchens' cancer. Many skeptics and atheists are completely unaware that the confession of faith and a bended knee are accompanied by extraordinary power. Jesus told his followers: "Again, I tell you that if two of you on Earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them" (Matt. 18:19). Despite the various problems with this passage (i.e., the fact that I cannot locate Jesus saying this previously as suggested by the word "Again," and the fact that Jesus is unclear about whether two or three people are required to make this |
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"request machine" functional), the truth of this is evident all around us. Hitchens' cancer is merely the most recent example. And don't think such a request is beneath the Judeo-Christian God. History demonstrates that God has used all manner of natural forces to punish those who defy Him or otherwise inhibit His work. From the great flood, which created the Grand Canyon and justly killed every man, woman, child, and infant on the planet save Noah and his kin, to the recent earthquake in Haiti, which finally brought to justice the wicked Haitian people who some 200 years ago made a pact with the Devil, God has been using the natural world to punish those who show a deliberate disregard for His will. And consider this: If God is not the type to show restraint when entire populations are involved, and when His actions are certain to cause collateral death and damage to His own people who strive to do His will and live a godly life, surely He would not have a problem singling out one slightly overweight ex-Brit who is continually making things unpleasant for Him.
Let's not forget that Hitchens has been, in every way, taunting the whole of Christendom for years with his eloquence, wit, and "rationality." Should we not have expected that two (or three) Christians would come together at some point and make some such nefarious request? And how long should an all-powerful being be expected to endure such arrogance and offense — particularly if (when?) two (or three) of His followers have demanded action, to which He is obliged?
Of course, some will say that there is an entirely natural explanation for Hitchens' condition, noting that any 61-year-old who has an equally long and prolific history of smoking and drinking might be statistically prone to some such ailment. This is a compelling argument that I cannot presently refute. However, should Sam Harris (who is young, eats right, meditates, appears to be in good health, and has a certain ineffable sexual appeal) be stricken with poor health or somehow, suddenly and dramatically, lose his appeal to women of all ages, I think our only recourse is to consider a legislative crack-down. I know that sounds drastic, but I see no alternative. Christians must be either legislatively restrained from congregating at all, as two (or three) of them agreeing together can cause irreparable damage to others, or we can find Christians another planet to live on where their powers will be ineffective (since Jesus clearly and specifically restricted the use of this power to Christians "on Earth" in Matt. 18).
In the meantime, good Christians can congregate to oppose their wrathful brethren and sistren. They can come together in groups of two (or three) and ask God to heal our dear friend — our "Hitch." I don't know if this will work. But it will certainly cause some cognitive dissonance in the Christian world — and perhaps even to God Himself, as He would be forced to take sides. Will God stand with those who would harm (or at least wish harm to) a fellow human being? Or will He chose tolerance, compassion, and the brotherhood of all mankind — believer, or not?
Let's just hope that past performance is not an indicator of future results. |
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